Austrian home birth midwife Margarete Wana is being prosecuted by the state for allegedly causing death by gross negligence.
In a podcast interview from January 23rd 2025, Margarete talks to Anne, the Mother who lost her baby five days after birth.
The birth had started at home as a planned HBAC (home birth after cesarean) and was transferred to hospital where the baby was born and later died.
Anne neither blames her own choice of a home birth, nor Margarete‘s work as a midwife for her daughter's death.
Below is an English translation of the podcast transcript. The podcast episode is in German and can be found here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4leFTeRdVZqlYQwknApmgr?si=-8zZqQSWSAWh_arw8WStLQ
Even if acquitted, Margarete will have to pay enormous court and legal fees.
If you can, please support midwife Margarete Wana at: https://4fund.com/de/kubn5k
PODCAST INTRO
Margarete: "Today's episode will be a very personal and difficult one for me, for us. After much deliberation, I have decided to tell our story publicly because I believe that it is important to talk about it and that it is an issue that concerns us all and that we urgently need to discuss: home births, women's rights, self-determination and responsibility. Today, Anne and I will tell you about Charlotte's birth.
Charlotte died five days after she was born. I am putting a trigger warning here and asking you to be mindful of yourselves and your feelings. If you find the topic too much for you, then don't listen to it or switch off at any time.
This will be the last episode of my podcast for the time being.
I'm currently on trial. I've already come a long way, so some of you may have noticed that it's gotten a bit quieter on my social media pages. In September 2023, a baby in my care died.
Her name is Charlotte. Her Mother planned a home birth with me. However, we had to transfer it and the baby was born in the hospital.
Five days after the birth, she died in the hospital. Charlotte did not survive her birth. None of us expected it.
We were all in shock. Even though we all know that children can die during birth, it is always incomprehensible when it happens. And because it was a planned home birth, especially one after a cesarean section, the spotlight of an investigation by the state prosecutor was quickly on me.
You might know that I have made home birth after cesarean my speciality, I wrote my master's thesis on it, and I have attended many women‘s birth at home after cesarean. I would call myself an expert on this topic. But I am not the only midwife in Austria who attends so-called HBAC, (Home Birth After Cesarean).
In other countries, too, it is handled differently whether you are allowed to give birth at home after a previous cesarean section. In Austria, it is not clearly prohibited by law. If you want to read up on it in more detail, I will be happy to send you my master's thesis.
The fact is that Anne did not have a rupture, that is, that her scar would tear, as is often feared by women after a previous cesarean section. We had to transfer the birth to the hospital because Charlotte's heart rate became abnormal; for reasons that were inexplicable to us at the time, she was suddenly under stress. We were two midwives at the birth, so the transfer went quite quickly.
The emergency doctor and ambulance were called, the contractions were stopped with medication, and the hospital was informed. At the time, we didn't realize that it would turn out so dramatically. But let's start from the beginning."
END OF INTRO
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Margarete: “Well then. Hello Anne, today we are recording this episode together and telling the story of your daughter Charlotte. Would you like to introduce yourself to our listeners? Your birth experiences aside, who you are?”
Anne: "Thank you, dear Margarete. Yes, I'll just start with my previous life, because my present life is very much determined by my birth experiences. I'm Anne, I live in Vienna and before that I traveled around the world a lot, worked in many countries, in the hotel business from England to Mexico, Spain, on a ship, the Maldives,…., until I ended up in Vienna, where then, yes, family life started for me, first marriage, then family life, then a birth and then another birth were added to my life experiences. Exactly."
Margarete: “And to understand this whole story a little better, it is also important that you tell me a little about your first birth experience, because I accompanied you during a planned home birth after a cesarean section. That means that the story of your first birth is an important part of this whole story. Would you like to start by telling me the key facts about Filip's birth?”
Anne: “Exactly, I'd be happy to. So, with Filip, I experienced a traumatic birth in 2020. The birth was induced, even though I didn't want that.
A lot of decisions were made without my consent, and in the end it became a cesarean section because Filip's heart rate had deteriorated. The birth and the way I was treated in the hospital traumatized me. The aftermath of it wasn't over when we were discharged from the hospital either.
Looking back, I now know that I probably suffered from postnatal depression and, what's more, the assistant doctor didn't remove the entire placenta during the C-section, so I had to have another operation around New Year's Eve of that year. That didn't do any good, or didn't do me any good, especially in the postnatal period. And then, yes, you tell your birth stories to other new mothers, you listen to podcasts, read books and realize that you're not alone with such a birth experience.
We then took a full two years before conceiving a second child, also with foresight, knowing that the second birth should definitely be vaginal. I had already read a lot about what was involved in a VBAC, a vaginal birth after cesarean. And when I got pregnant with Charlotte in January 2023, exactly. I tried to find a private midwife who could attend a hospital birth with me when I was eigth weeks, because I said I'm not going to the hospital alone again.
My husband was there of course, but I didn’t wNt to be alone without a professional who knows my needs and stands up for me. And in the eighth week, it was really difficult to find someone snr I didn‘t find one in the end. Many rejections, sometimes no response, vacations, etc.
And then I came across the option of a home birth, I came across your podcast, listened to it over and over again, and immediately felt at home there. And yes, I was super grateful to you that you even offer home births after cesarean. So I found myself there again.Option clinic without support, possible re-traumatization versus home birth. I read a lot about it, not just your podcast, but also many other podcasts, books by Dr. Ute Taschner. There are two books, many forums and mommy groups, etc.
I read a lot, participated in the conversations and yes, knew that this was the right way for a calm and peaceful, self-determined birth. Nevertheless, I kept all Eltern-Kind-Pass (Note from the translator: The Austrian Eltern-Kind-Pass, formerly known as Mutter-Kind-Pass is a tool to help provide healthcare for pregnant women and very young children. It records details of the medical examinations conducted during pregnancy and up to the child's 5th birthday. Included are three ultrasound scans.) appointments and also did a 20 week anatomy scan, which was important to me compared to the first pregnancy. With the first pregnancy, we didn't really want to do the anatomy scan.
Simply because we said, no matter if something is wrong with the child, we want to have it and we don't need to know about it. We want to have the child."
Margarete: “Are you talking about anatomy scan or prenatal diagnostics in general? With the trisomy 21 screening and all that?”
Anne: "Both, yes. Yes, both together, the nuchal translucency scan and the anatomy scan. We decided against it during the first pregnancy but then we were forced to do it because my gynecologist said she wouldn't continue to care for me if I didn't do it. At the time, I just went along with it, I didn't want to look for a new doctor, her office was just conveniently located. I simply didn’t bother to search for a new doctor for the remaining to or three appointments during that first pregnancy No, I thought, okay, we'll just do it. I went along with it, in retrospect I don't really think it was right, but okay, at the time I gave in.
But this time, during the second pregnancy, I knew that we definitely wanted to do an anatomy scan. Also in view of my home birth, just to know that the baby has all its organs and that they are well developed, that nothing is malformed, because you can have the most beautiful home birth and then something is wrong with the baby. So that was very important to us and at the appointment I also specifically asked about the placenta, about its position, because I knew that if the placenta was on the cesarean section scar, that would also be a reason against a home birth.
So I asked specifically about that, and they specifically did a vaginal ultrasound to make sure the placenta wasn't on top of the scar and that everything was fine. And so we thought, we had the best conditions for a home birth."
Margarete: “Did you feel like a high-risk patient during all these preparations and considerations?”
Anne: "Did I feel like one? No. Was I labeled as one? Yes! So I didn't feel like a high-risk patient, but I was definitely seen as one, if only because of my previous cesarean. And in general, there was a lot of talk about risks.
A uterine rupture is a risk. I like to think of it as a 99.5% chance that it won't rupture, rather than a 0.5% risk that it will. And I've become very aware of this negativity around birth during this pregnancy.
I was in a shared care model (Note from the translator: in Austria most women don‘t see a midwife for more than one appointment during their pregnancy. The above mentioned Eltern-Kind-Pass favours care by a gynaecologist and women who don‘t participate in all doctor‘s appointments recommended by the Eltern-Kind-Pass get up to €1500 deducted from their parental leave payment. Therefore, real shared care is rare and care by only a midwife even more so.) At the gynecologist appointments, they often looked for defects or ruled out defects. And at the appointments with you, I always came out very inspired, I can say. You wanted to know how I was doing, how I felt. And yes, it was just less fearful. And yes, it gave me confidence, I would say. It was only through you, or rather through shared care, that I first learned the difference between a pathological birth and a physiological birth. I wasn't aware of that before, I have to admit."
Margarete: “How did you experience the pregnancy with Charlotte? What are your memories of it? Any special moments?”
Anne: "Well, on the whole, of course, this pregnancy was more of a side issue than the first one. Just normal, because you already have a child to take care of. I knew more, which probably nevertheless led to more anxiety because I wanted to avoid a repeat trauma like the one I experienced during Filip‘s birth. Charlotte was in the breech position for a very long time, which would have been another reason to rule out a home birth. I read a lot about it and did a lot of research. I also did a Spinning Babies course, talked to her a lot, did a lot of exercises and she finally turned.I think it was after the 35th week. All in all, I knew what my goal was, but the feedback from the medical side in particular was of course always push-back.
So I was always a bit afraid that there might be some hidden risk somewhere that would prevent us from doing it, but at the same time I was very careful to have all these risks checked out and ruled out, of course. Because, as I said, with the anatomy scan. I also changed my back-up hospital during the pregnancy. The hospital that was my initial back-up hospital wouldn't have let me try for a vaginal birth in the case of breech presentation after a cesarean section, but would have scheduled a cesarean section at 38 weeks. And if she hadn't turned, I definitely didn't want that to happen. With spontaneous onset of labor, it might have been possible to talk about it, but that was further down my wish list. So I asked around again and found the hospital, the new back-up hospital. And they were a bit more open and would have also supported a spontaneous birth from a breech position after a cesarean section. Had that been the case, that she hadn't turned. But even in that hospital, of course, during the appointments, the registration appointments and I think check-up appointments, the risk awareness compared to a home birth was immensely strong and present."
Margarete: "Okay, let's move on in the story. It was the end of September. It was your birthday. And the due date, where we always said during the pregnancy that the baby would not come on your birthday, because they never come on the due date. Yes, Charlotte chose the day. I have a lot of detailed notes about the birth. That's for sure, I don't just have my documentation, I also have a memory log. But I would just like to hear from you again, from your memory, how you experienced that day. From the beginning of the birth."
Anne: "Exactly. I had always believed that she would not come on my birthday. But she came on my birthday. She gave the starting signal at 1 a.m. when my waters broke. No wonder, it was a full moon night. By the way, I was also born under a full moon. On the same birthday many years ago. Exactly, so the water broke at one o'clock. I got up, realized it, put the pads in my pants, thought to myself, it's still bearable, went back to bed and thought, just rest as long as you can, because one o'clock in the morning is a long day. She'll come today. I dozed through contractions well until morning. Then, as the apartment slowly woke up, my mother had also arrived a few days before for the birth, as well as to take care of my first son. And exactly when everyone was slowly waking up, I announced the news that my waters had broken and my mother got Filip ready for kindergarten. And I said, “Please fill up the birth pool now, I would like to get in now.” Fortunately, that worked out quite well. It was quickly filled up and I felt really comfortable in it. Margarete came in the early morning hours when I was just about to get into the pool. And yes, looking back, those hours in the room, with the pool, with Margarete, later the second midwife, my mother and my husband, who was always there and made sure that everyone was somehow taken care of with drinks and food and other things, were a wonderful time. Until at some point, around noon, my strength also waned and Margarete noticed that Charlotte's heart rate was getting worse. And she told me that she would like to transfer me to the clinic now. I didn't have any objections. So when you told me that and I kind of had my strength check, like, I don't know how the baby is going to come out of me here, I agreed and said, yes, okay. And we went to the clinic.
Well, so you called the ambulance. We were on the third floor without an elevator. They would have liked to have carried me down. And I remember that I gratefully declined because I absolutely could not have sat down anymore. I would have sat on Charlotte's head and preferred to walk down the stairs. That went well too. You had given me an oxytocic contractions inhibitor and so I walked to the ambulance, then the ride to the hospital felt wild, strapped in, on my side, but still a few contractions here and there. Yes, I went to the hospital expecting us to continue trying vaginally there. I had listened to a lot of birth stories beforehand, so I knew about this waning of strength, the break before the pushing phase, this recharging of strength beforehand. And I thought, yes, we'll go to the clinic and we'll continue from there. So my expectation was that we would arrive there and then either continue trying vaginally or there would be something that would require a cesarean section. We had also discussed the case beforehand with my husband, as well as with Magarete, that if there should be a transfer, that I definitely wanted Magarete by my side. My husband was totally fine with that. He also felt rather helpless in the hospital setting in 2020 and with the procedures, how decisions were made, so he was totally fine with me wanting Magarete by my side. And we arrived at the hospital, Magarete was already there, faster than the ambulance, and we went in. The CTG discs were held to my stomach. I was told to get to the delivery room bed as quickly as possible, which I tried to do as quickly as possible, to get up from lying down, to lie down again in the next supine position with my legs up in stirrups. And the next thing I hear is: episiotomy, fundal pressure, forceps.
And I just managed to say “No, please not that”, because, yes, I'll be honest, I wasn't prepared for that. There were a lot of people around me, Margarete was on my left and she held my hand and said, “Push with the next contraction.” Unfortunately, I didn't feel any more contractions at that point.
And within seven minutes of arriving at the hospital, Charlotte was born. She was taken immediately. My husband went with her. And I stayed in the delivery room. Then they tried to remove the placenta. They tried different positions and gave me another drip. And then it was decided that they would operate me to remove the placenta. And to stitch up the perineal tear at the same time. Fortunately, they didn't even get around to the episiodomy, I have to say. So they sewed up the perineal tear right away and then I was out of it for a while. And then at some point in the evening I was greeted in the recovery room by Margarete and my husband, with pictures of Charlotte in the NICU, all wired up on a cooling mat to keep possible brain damage as low as possible, that she had to be resuscitated, that her pH, umbilical cord value, was very bad. And yes, but she is in the NICU and she is alive and yes, just wait for the next three days. Charlotte was now in NICU for three days, on the cooling mat. I had been given a single room on the gynecological ward. I am very grateful for that and that I was not put on the postnatal ward.
My husband, my mother and my father came to see me several times a day. We also took Filip to the hospital so that he could meet Charlotte. The hospital psychologist told us that young children can handle such things quite well. They don't see the cables and everything.
And then there was the big question of why. Why, how could this happen?
In the hospital, it was pretty clear that the home birth was to blame. I was “the home birth” during the rounds. The pediatricians, except for the one on the first night, were also very judgmental about how you could possibly have a home birth. So there it was, I'd say, the reason was very clear. The home birth was to blame. And for me it didn't feel right. The why had not yet been answered for me. And it was only five days later, on the day I discharged myself after Charlotte's death, that I was called back to the hospital and asked to take another blood sample, a toxological blood sample, because the placenta that had been sent in and examined had shown signs of infection, and severe ones at that, yes, that was the state of knowledge at the time."
Margarete: "At this point, I would like to go back a little bit and talk about your placenta again. That is one of the things I am accused of, that you needed the suction curettage three months after your cesarean section and placenta remains were found. For the experts, it is clear that I should not have taken care of you at home. In fact, it was the case that the placenta had to be manually removed in the case of Charlotte. Today we know that the placenta of Charlotte was much too small. One could say that it was severely malformed. There was hardly any placental tissue, it was divided in two, the umbilical cord was in the fetal membranes. So apparently Charlotte was simply very poorly supplied. At least she was so well supplied that she made it to the due date, but she had too few resources for the birth."
Anne: "Exactly, the placenta, but we didn't know that at the time. And over a month later, when I went to pick up my blood work, I was given both my blood work and the placenta report at the hospital. And that's when the logical explanation for why first emerged for me. Because the placenta was 40 percent smaller and, I'll say it in non-technical terms, it was heavily calcified and showed various malformations. And yes, the placenta is the lungs of the baby during birth. And that was the first time for me, yes, the first step for a logical explanation of why Charlotte was unable to tolerate the birth well."
Margarete: "How did you experience those days when Charlotte was still alive? You were probably with her a lot down in the neonatal unit, and you've already mentioned that Filip was there too. But at some point it became clear that Charlotte wouldn't survive or would only survive with severe disabilities.
How were those days for you and what helped you to endure it all?"
Anne: "Well, the first three days were horrible in the sense that we could only look at her. Because she was on the cooling mat and her body was supposed to be at a certain temperature, we weren't allowed to touch her or hold her. That means, yes, I didn't hold her at all.
On the very first evening, the pediatrician was with me. He was a very empathetic pediatrician who simply gave me an update on how everything went, that she was on the cooling mat and that everything was possible in the next 72 hours. From severely to mildly disabled.
He didn't directly mention death. But that everything is possible, the whole spectrum. And with the progression of the three days, various examinations were carried out, various measurements of brain activity.
And the more time passed, the clearer it became that the earlier brain activity could have been measured, the better. And even after the three days, no brain activity was detected.
And the doctors then explained to us, offered, said that she could be kept alive with all the machines she was hooked up to at the time, or that she could be given the chance to go.
And we decided that we wanted to give her the chance to go.
Exactly, and once we had decided to give her a chance to go, we still had about two days with her.
The nice thing was that we were finally able to hold her. Or at first we lay in bed with her. And then we were allowed to hold her on the last day, too.
The nurses on the neonatal ward were very, very empathetic. They also arranged for a photographer, who came and took photos of us and Charlotte.
We were with her the whole time, day and night, taking turns, sometimes in pairs, sometimes alone, my husband and I.
And we were able to watch on the monitors how the values kept getting worse. We were repeatedly assured that she was not suffering and was not in pain.
And when she passed away at noon, the nurses finally disconnected all the cables from her. And I was finally allowed to hold her on my chest. Which was the moment I had been looking forward to for so long.
We spent the whole afternoon in this room, cuddling with her. The afternoon sun was shining in and we somehow still recharged our batteries during this time. I was still allowed to change her and dress her in something nice.
Looking back, it was just really very beautiful.
I try to keep these images in my head as well."
Margarete: "What happened then? How were the days after? Who was there with you? What helped you? What helped you deal with the grief?"
Anne: "Well, the postpartum period without a baby is shit.
For one thing, my mom was there. She took over communication with the immediate family. But of course there were also friends, work colleagues, people who simply knew when the birth was due and asked about it.
Exactly, and to find a way to communicate the death of your own baby. Then, of course, I was just physically exhausted. My mother took care of me, cooked for me and mothered me, just as you would want a mother to do in the postpartum period.
Margarete always came by. You and also, I always call them my „new friends“. I quickly connected with someone, with another mom, whose second child also died during childbirth. So I had someone to talk to who had been in a similar situation. I read books about loss and got recommendations for therapists. But the first month was very slow and upsetting. Charlotte came to the pathology department to be examined. The funeral dragged on until we were finally allowed to bury her.
That was also a first milestone.
Yes, Christmas was around the corner. And New Year, which was very hard for me. Celebrating New Year, leaving an old year behind me. That was really difficult.
We didn't celebrate that either. We all went to bed before midnight and just slept our way into the new year. And then, in between, the news that a preliminary investigation had been opened against you, which really knocked me off my feet.
The start of the new year. I received a lot of understanding at work. I took a leave of absence for educational purposes, which would have been my plan anyway after Charlotte, because I wanted to go in a different direction and luckily my employer supported that. And yes, the next milestone was returning to work.
During that time, I received therapeutic support the whole time, did psychotherapeutic grief counseling, which helped me a lot to process the whole thing by talking. Over the summer, things went uphill. Grief comes in waves.
You just have to take it as it comes. And then, as the first birthday approached, things went downhill again. Steeply.
As a family, we went to the Sterntalerhof for a week of bereavement counseling in the week before her birthday. And that was very, very helpful in preparing us for the day.
I think it's sometimes the worst day, because you don't know what to expect. On top of that, it's my birthday, as well as Charlotte's.
Which doesn't make it any easier. I was very unsure about how to accept congratulations for my birthday. Some people around me congratulated Charlotte, others did not.
Some people still seem to think that if they don't mention her, then I don't think about her either, which is of course impossible. And I'm happy about everyone who also thinks of her. We have found a nice ritual for us for my birthday and Charlotte's birthday.
And even as a woman and mother, I still had a very beautiful blessing way ceremony. For me and Charlotte with the people who were there during the birth, who were also very close to me during that time and who gave me a lot of emotional support, we had a wonderful ceremony on the anniversary.
That was the first year of mourning, as little as you believe in the beginning that you can somehow close it.
After that, I slowly started looking ahead again. Margarete and I were in close contact. The news came that a date for the trial was now set."
Margarete: "Today we are facing completely different challenges. What motivates you to muster so much strength to stand behind me and continue on this path with me?"
Anne: "Well, I read all the court documents because, of course, I want to know why Charlotte died. And I assume, based on my understanding and feelings, that Charlotte's death had nothing to do with my choice of birthplace or with your work as a midwife.
The placenta is a very strong argument for me. I see it as not being given enough attention in the court documents. I have the general impression that doctors are fundamentally against home births.
And now Charlotte's death is being used to show how dangerous home births supposedly are.
I am just so grateful to you for being there for me during my pregnancy. When I was looking for someone to accompany me in my self-determined birth. You were there for me during the birth and you were there for me postpartum and afterwards.
I don't think I can say that about anyone else in the birth system. But you simply looked after me individually and for me, you simply stand for individual one-to-one care that takes a woman's wishes into account.
As a first-time mother, I don't think you know that you would like or need something like that. But as a second-time mother, I was very aware of it and found it in you."
Margarete: “Thank you for having the courage to record this episode with me today, which we needed a lot of tissues for. The first hearing is coming up soon, where you are also summoned as a witness. Finally, you will be able to tell your story there too.”
Anne: "Somehow it seems a bit far-fetched, the more I talk about it, that a decision is simply made over you. As Charlotte's mother, I don't blame Margarete.
As far as I'm concerned, she is not to blame for our daughter's death. And I wish that these proceedings would be dropped and that we would simply be given the space to grieve and to come to terms with the fate of the new life that we have to live with."
Margarete: "In the meantime, journalists have also become aware of our story. They want to interview you too. Of course, we are very careful about who we tell it to, because you have to be very careful with the information.
How do you feel about going public with Charlotte's story?"
Anne: "Generally speaking, it wasn't my basic need, let me put it that way, to take Charlotte's story to the public. After the first birthday, things actually went uphill for us. We looked ahead.
But with the court date now on the calendar and knowing how home birth is generally seen or that hasty conclusions are generally drawn quickly. A dead child in a home birth – it must have been the home birth – that's what prompted me to support you here. We've both noticed that. In my circle of friends, it's “A dead child?“, „oh the home birth is to blame“, and with you, the accused midwife, people think it must have been the mother who reported you.
Both are typical prejudices. I wanted a self-determined birth. And now I'm not going to turn around and throw my self-determination in the trash and just point fingers and say it must be someone else's fault.
Initially, I didn't want to go public with Charlotte's story, but now I see it as my active commitment to more individualized and needs-oriented prenatal care and birth. Making Charlotte's circumstances better known, showing the background in more detail, so as not to reinforce the prejudice that home births are dangerous. Prenatal care is important, but even prenatal care is no 100 percent guarantee that everything will go perfectly.
If we had known that the placenta was underdeveloped, there would have been no home birth. No one can say what the outcome would have been, if Charlotte had survived severely disabled in a hospital setting. It is possible that my family and I would have had a different life now, with Charlotte, but as a severely disabled child.
Equally, it would have been possible that she would have been born a healthy child, which is something I find hard to believe with the placenta. And not everything is black and white."
Margarete: "Now it's not too far away. The first court hearing is in mid-February. We don't know if there will be any more or if this will be the only one.
Maybe there will be a verdict then, who knows. We have already indicated what we want for this court case. So I definitely hope for an acquittal.
I can't imagine anything else, that it will be decided differently. But it will be an uphill battle. And the days after that, I don't even know what it will be like, but as you put it before, it will definitely be a milestone.
And this year has been a bit crazy for all of us. And maybe the madness will end then. That would be quite good, I would wish that for all of us."
Anne: "I also hope that it is the last milestone. For me, the funeral, the first birthday, now the court case, were milestones, tests. My dream would be that it is over with an acquittal and we can concentrate on the essential things again.
And just keep the past things in good memory."
Margarete: "Those are comforting final words.
I'll add a personal message now. The legal fees and court costs have exceeded my budget and I had to open a fundraising campaign on New Year's Eve.
So if you, dear listener, still have some money left over and would like to dedicate it to an important good cause and support me, then you can do so at https://4fund.com/de/kubn5k. I'll also put the link in the show notes. Thank you to everyone who has already donated so generously.
Apart from the money that has already come in in such a short time, I am overwhelmed by all the lovely messages that I have received. They keep me going and give me strength to continue on the days when I would most like to give up. With your help, I'll make it.
The end is in sight. Only a few more pushes. It'll all be over soon."
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